New Year, New You? Setting Realistic New Year’s Goals!
I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t feel the need to set New Year’s resolutions each January. Even though the rational part of me knows that I can set goals any day of the year, there is something almost irresistible about the new year. The resetting of the calendar is a catalyst for goal-setting. Over the years, I’ve set resolutions ranging from increased exercise to reading more, to flossing (and I’m not talking about the dance move – that’s just a lost cause in my case).
We often believe we are the exception to the rule
Yes, we’ve all been warned on how gyms fill up in early January, and how the flood of new members predictably drops off in the weeks following. Yet, somehow, we think we’re immune to this fate -- that we’re going to be an exception to this annual cliché. Speaking for myself, however, it’s repeatedly been a humbling experience. When I realize that I’ve indeed fallen from the proverbial wagon and the snow hasn’t even thawed yet. This is often a result of our perception of setting a realistic goal when in reality, it was never going to get off the ground. Especially without a plan.
I am not saying setting goals is bad, but, are you setting realistic goals?
Now, far be it from me to discourage anyone who is planning on initiating a health behavior change – or any important change for that matter – with the start of the new year. There is absolutely no reason why January 1st can’t be the beginning of something consistent and long-lasting. Despite the potential trappings of January goal setting, there’s certainly something helpful about taking periodic stock of our behavioral habits and comparing these to the habits possessed by our ideal selves. This, too, can be a humbling experience!
Take for instance…
Psychologists have long talked about the idea of cognitive dissonance – that yucky, hypocritical feeling we get when our actions don’t match our values and internalized “should” statements. Taking stock at the end of the year puts a laser focus on the congruency (or lack thereof) between our beliefs and behaviors. And what results when we notice incongruency??? Behold renewed motivation. When our minds focus more on our perceived “shortcomings” – when our cognitive dissonance intensifies to an emotionally unsettling level – it can be tempting to want to rectify the mismatch as soon as humanly possible. And when coupled with the appeal that January offers as a clean reboot for our actions and habits, we decide it’s finally time to stop kicking that can of procrastination down the road and get cracking!
The Trap of All or Nothing Thinking Holds Us Back!
And what typically results? Well, again speaking for myself, it’s all too easy to succumb to the trap of all-or-nothing behavior. We might go from exercising no-days-per-week to exercising seven-days-per-week. Or we might transition from rarely putting any direct effort toward that side hustle we intermittently fantasize about to putting every spare, waking moment to it. Why mess around, right? Let’s get this stuff squared away pronto!
Well, maybe the sustainability of our new behavior is worthy of some consideration. As that exciting, initial rush begins to fade, motivation can drain faster than a bucket with four holes. It feels good to eat the pizza once again! It feels good to sleep in and watch TV on the couch! How easily we are seduced away from our goals by these darn hedonistic pleasures! But there is another way, my friends! And I say this as much as a reminder to myself as to anyone else: we need to be smart about how we approach our goals and resolutions!
Here are some ideas from the trained psychologist in Cinncinati, OH. Learn some helpful tips for setting realistic goals in Pennsylvania.
Begin Setting A Few Realistic Goals
First, it’s good to be reasonable with how many goals we’re setting for ourselves. If we try to overhaul multiple life domains all at once, there’s a very good chance we’ll start to feel like a sticky note attempting to hold on through a hurricane. Not a sustainable situation. Instead, maybe we can pick just one thing to focus on, at least to begin with. Ideally, this would be something that would have positive effects on other domains of importance. For instance, if I focus on sleeping better, I will in turn improve my physical and emotional health, be more productive at work, be more likely to exercise and, oh yeah, probably live longer. A pretty good goal indeed! (Now that plan to floss every day feels a little less important comparatively!)
Setting Realistic Goals Means We Can Accomplish Them!
Second, let’s set a goal that can actually be accomplished! What do I mean by this? Well, for one thing, it’s pretty unlikely that I’m going to be running any marathons this month. For that matter, it’s unlikely that I’m going to be running more than a few miles. What would happen if I tried to force it, pushing myself to “work through the pain?” Well, I’d likely end up doubled-over after just a couple miles, feeling dejected, out of breath, and in desperate need of ibuprofen. We’ll call this “option A.” On the other hand, had I planned a light, twenty-minute jog and subsequently achieved this plan (“option B”), I would keep the wind in my motivational sales and likely be back out there the next day ready to jog twenty-two! It’s about consistency and sustainability after all. Rome wasn't built in a day, no, but it was built after all! Just like we eat an elephant one bite at a time, we achieve great things by consistency over the long term. So let’s ask ourselves: what will make a meaningful difference to my life but is easy enough to keep doing for a long period of time, day in and day out, week after week??? If I’m not very confident in my ability to consistently meet this expectation, it’s probably too lofty!
Change Isn’t Easy, Especially When You Feel No Joy
Third, let’s commit to doing something we actually enjoy! How is that for a novel idea? Do you know what years of graduate school in psychology and years of clinical practice have taught me? The same thing that basic common sense tells us: that people don’t like doing things they don’t like doing! How deep and surprising is that, huh?! It simply isn’t fun to wake up at 5 am and do burpees every morning. At least not for me, and probably not for you! No lie, given the option, I’d instead prefer a quick punch in the gut if I was allowed to go back to sleep afterward! So how likely is it that I would last even two months with my 5 am calisthenic routine? Roughly 0%. And that might be an overestimate. Alternatively, I do enjoy listening to music and podcasts while walking briskly for thirty minutes. I do enjoy riding a bike and kayaking. And I do enjoy learning a little bit of French every day. Likelihood of continued engagement in these activities? Greater than 0% for sure. Find ways to incorporate joy into the changes you’re trying to make. This is key to setting realistic goals and maintaining them.
Reframing Our Challenges and Set Backs Can Change Our Mindset
Fourth, rather than hanging our heads at the thought of previous unsuccessful attempts at change, let’s treat these as experiments that didn’t result in our desired outcome - at least not yet. A great quote from history comes from Thomas Edison, who when asked about all the times he tried unsuccessfully to invent the lightbulb, replied, “I have not failed 10,000 times – I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” So where have we tripped up before? Have we tried changing too many things at once, tried changing too quickly, or set unrealistic goals? If so, let’s approach things differently this time and hope for a different result.
Also, maybe, just maybe, we’ve underestimated our emotions and the role they play in this whole process! You know, those pesky things, like stress, that love for us to kick start the pleasure-center of our brains and pump out dopamine by eating delicious but unhealthy snacks? It could be that becoming more mindfully aware of our mood and its impact on urges and behavior will put us in a position to respond differently to stress. Similarly, this could allow us to find healthier ways of managing stress than consuming copious quantities of Cheetos and french fries. Did you know that an actual symptom used to diagnose depression is increased appetite and weight gain? It’s true. Our emotions can absolutely sabotage our goals faster than a “friend” insisting we eat fudge (another Achilles heel of mine).
Take Inventory of The Wins Along The Way
Finally (and I realize this is starting to be a pretty long list!), if we want to really be smart about setting realistic goals, we should definitely track our progress and keep a record of our accomplishments along the way. If I start to lift weights but never record how much I’m bench pressing from week to week, it will be harder to know how much I should be adding to the bar. I might also fail to appreciate how much growth and progress I’m making. Which, in turn, could again sap the wind from my motivational sails!
Slow, steady progress is a lot like watching a child grow. If we see them every day, we often fail to notice how much they are changing (did you know that humans triple in size in their first year of life, incidentally!). On the other hand, if it’s a niece or nephew we only see periodically, updated pictures often wow us with how much growth has occurred. In this same vein, it can be very positively reinforcing to compare our current status with that of previous months, seeing our progress for ourselves.
Make sure the metrics you choose to record are effective
One word of caution here, though: when it comes to tracking our progress, we want to be careful about the metric we’re choosing. For one thing, some metrics are notoriously flimsy, like body weight and blood pressure, which any doctor, nutritionist, or physical trainer will tell you are highly susceptible to short-term fluctuations and not useful when considered as a single data point (better to look for weekly averages in these numbers it turns out). Relatedly, in the wonderful book The 4 Disciplines of Execution, a book exploring the science of motivation and goal achievement, a distinction is made between lead versus lag measures. Lead measures (e.g., minutes walking per day) are within our direct influence and what we need to focus on for the most part.
These should have a strong, predictive relationship with our lag measures (e.g., blood pressure), which are the changes we are ultimately seeking, but which are not within our realm of direct, immediate influence. Not to mention, lag measures, as the term implies, often require, wait for it . . .dum, dum, dum. . .delayed gratification (insert groan here). Don’t get me started on the marshmallow study (a classic in the world of psychology research) but feel free to check it out on YouTube if you have no idea what I’m talking about. Putting off gratification is not easy, though, let’s say that. Evolutionarily, we’re not really hard-wired for it. But speaking of weight lifting, delayed gratification is also a muscle that we can develop over time, and its development is one of the greatest strengths and gifts that we can possibly give to ourselves and model for our children.
Now That You Have Some Ideas, How Will You Begin Setting Realistic Goals for the New Year?
So there you have a hit, a quick review of ways we can set smarter, realistic goals and New Years’ resolutions and hopefully make it past the winter thaw this year! I hope you found some useful “food for thought” among the strategies and points considered. One last thing I’ll add is that it’s crucial to have an accountability partner. By that, I just mean someone who is informed of the changes we’re seeking to make and who holds us accountable for what we said we’re going to do. I’m fairly certain, no offense to physical trainers, that it’s 95%+ of what they do. Your average twelve-year-old can tell you how to exercise and eat right. But having someone waiting for us at the gym leaves us feeling accountable – like we actually have to show up! So who can be your accountability partner? Well, it could be a friend, spouse, child, online community…you name it. Ideally, though, it will be someone who you speak to about your progress a minimum of once per month and preferably a little more frequently than that!
With all this said, Happy New Year, and best of luck with this year’s resolutions and your journey to setting realistic goals!!!
Need Support as Your Begin Setting Realistic Goals in Pennsylvania?
It’s the new year, so changes are among us! If you’re ready to start setting realistic goals and ones that last, I am here to help as your online therapist to help. I can support you with anxiety, depression, relationships, grief, trauma, and more. When you’re ready to get started at Ascend Psychological Services in Cinncinati, OH, follow these simple steps:
Meet with your skilled and caring online therapist
Let’s start getting you on the right path to reach your goals this year!
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On top of offering support for depression, insomnia, grief, anxiety, psychological assessments, couples, PTSD treatment, and trauma therapy, I offer many treatment approaches to support you. Treatment modalities that, I offer to include CBT therapy, prolonged exposure, written exposure therapy, accelerated resolution therapy, cognitive processing therapy, and person-centered approaches among many more. When you’re ready to begin services, I am here to support you via online therapy in Ohio today.